Travel Anxiety

In 3 weeks I leave not-so-sunny England for New Zealand (via 3 days in Hong Kong) for 9 months! As I told my mother "Some have a baby, I chose a gap year" *cue uncomfortable laughter*.
As the time gets nearer, it is becoming more real. I'm having to save a lot of money (much to the detriment of my current account), make a list of things to pack and struggle through choosing travel insurance. Plus parents/friends are starting to get all quiet when I mention how long it is until I go away, which is kind of sad (apart from one of my aunties who is really excited for me, since she backpacked around Africa via lorry when she was my age.)
The scariest thing that is starting to sink in is that I will be alone. There is no guarantee that I will make firm friends on my BUNAC group flight, or in hostels. I need to find a job and a place to live pretty quickly otherwise my money might run out....

Anyway, I've been having some really weird other anxieties about my life in NZ so.... enjoy.

• There aren't any Costa Coffees. This shouldn't be such a worry but I love Costa because it reminds me of lovely chats with my best friend, so it could cure my homesickness. 
• I'm not sure they celebrate Halloween?? I lovelovelove Halloween, and it would be kind of weird not celebrating it.
• I am scared of spending Christmas alone. I envisage a very sad looking me with a veggie Christmas dinner for one, wearing my L.E.D jumper and reindeer skirt. Oh, and its sunny not snowing outside.
• Do they have Heinz Spaghetti?
• Will there be sufficient WiFi? I've read in some places that NZ has some shocking WiFi.

So yeah basically I'm entering mad panic mode!! Its starting to dawn on me how big and scary this trip is, and that I'm doing it alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited. But terrified. 

The next 3 weeks are going to be weird, and I'll sure as hell be turning to this blog to vent some feelings! 

Thanks for reading,

Kitty x

Results Day

Today is, and always will be, one of the most nerve wracking and important days in my life so far. Today, I found out what grades I got for my a-levels which will determine my place at university.
Firstly, I want to make it clear that I am post my A-level results because this is my blog for myself; my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I am not doing it to boast or whatever.
Anyway.....
I got:
History- B
Psychology- C
Human Biology- B
General Studies- B

So I'm able to go to Manchester University to study Adult Nursing in 2015!

I'm really really really pleased with my results. The past year has been super super hard and I'm so glad it's finally over.

If you've received your results today, I hope you're okay and stay strong!!
If you have any questions or queries, comment/tweet/message me on tumblr cause i'm gonna go celebrate.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Feelings

It's hard, being the only constant in an unstable environment. It's been nearly 2 months since my boyfriend became ill. And when I say ill I don't mean sappy man flu, I mean neurological possibly serious we just don't know kind of ill. I'm the only person who is really there for him, so I'm the one who has to bandage him up when he falls during a dizzy spell, calm him down when he starts to worry about what is wrong with him or remind him things when his memory fails- and that has been hard. On top of that, his illness began right as my exams did, so I've been juggling A2 exams, a job, friends and family and him. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent him for it, not one bit. I love being there for him and, lets face it, it's great practice for my nursing career. But its still hard and it has taken its toll on me. I feel guilty when I'm not there with him and his symptoms are playing up, I feel guilty when I complain about having a hard day at work and I feel guilty for wanting to just switch off and relax. My friends have noticed a change in me, and regularly remind me to look after myself. That's all good and well and thank-you but what I really need is for someone to bear the weight for a bit. Telling me it's okay and that I need to relax doesn't work when there is still nobody there to care for him in my place.
The MRI scan is tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

The Excellent Exam Guide

Its exam season! Yay! Endless weeks of being tested on things you've learnt in the past year (or two years if you've suffered Gove's reforms)!
As you may well know, I am about to complete my A2s (second year of a-levels), so these will be my last exams taken in school. That would be exciting if these exams weren't so important that if I fail them I have to recalculate my life plan.
Anyway, everybody is stressed and exhausted and nervous about exams so I thought I'd share some tips on how to make exams more fun. (These are all things which I have done during exams.)

• Write in blue ink- The possibility of being disqualified really increases the fun suspense until results day.
• Write incredibly quickly- Instead of sticking to the time limits which you set yourself to complete that essay, finish it in 20 minutes. Then take an obnoxious break, stretch your arms and cough loudly to let everyone know you're way ahead of schedule.
• Don't bring a calculator to a calculator maths exam- You're clever enough to do it all in your head.
• Make a tower of of stationary- Be creative. The invigilators are so bored and I'm sure they'll really appreciate the wobbling tower of the contents of your pencil case. Especially when it all falls on the floor.
• Sit in the wrong seat- A quick and easy way to confuse both yourself and everyone else in the room about why you've sat in a seat without an exam paper. When you have to not-so-subtly slide into the seat in front of you, the embarrassment will cause an adrenaline rush and you'll do better!
• Drink a ridiculous amount of water until you start choking- Once you've completed your exam paper, challenge yourself to drink the rest of your water. When you begin to choke and an invigilator has to come and ask if you're okay, you've won!

Hope your exams go okay; good luck and stay calm.

Thanks for reading,

Kitty x

Moving On Up

On my final day of secondary school education (which is tomorrow but I am being proactive and posting now wow go me), I'm feeling weirdly relieved. If you read my previous blog post, you would have realised that I've been at my current school for the past 7 years, so its been a big deal to leave. But, unlike in the past few months, I'm starting to feel disenchanted with school and I really feel ready to leave. I've spent a good deal of my life there, and I've changed a lot compared to the shy little chubby girl who was really terrified of the world. I'm moving on from a lot of things at the moment, and it just seems suitable to leave school behind.
One thing I'm finding hardest to come to terms with is the fact that, after 7 years, I am only keeping in contact with a few people. I've lost more friends than I've gained and that's kind of a scary prospect. I partly think its because people don't like the person I've become- which is fine. I've changed a lot , in particular this year, because of stress, breakups, life choices etc. I'm not ashamed of the person I am. I guess that is just the way school goes, and I can't wait to move on and make new friends (or if not, adopt loads of animals).
I guess I'm just feeling a bit sad that I don't have a lot to show from 7 years of school.
I'm still going to cry my eyes out of course, this school was a massive part of my life. Plus I'm a hormonal, nostalgic, frequent cryer.
If you're also leaving school, please comment/tweet/tumblr message me and tell me how you're feeling about it.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x


(p.s, I have gap year news! I'm heading off to New Zealand on October 24th with BUNAC! i'll do another gap year post soonish maybe though)

The Key To Happiness

I've been thinking about happiness a lot lately, and what it feels like to be truly happy. It's been a really tough past couple of months, and so any moments in which I feel happy are treasured. However there are very few moments that I can still re-live the feeling of pure joy for life, and they remind me to smile even when I'm sad.
It's a pretty rough time for anyone at the moment I feel, so I'm encouraging both you and myself to think about the happier times to get us through the darker times. So, here are my most treasured moments of happiness within the past year.

8th August - Yasmin (one of my best friends) and I went to Cardiff to visit the 'Doctor Who Experience'. It was my first trip which was without parents that I had organized and it felt good. I was starting to buzz with the idea of leaving home and, as you may remember, this was the trip where the Gap Year idea started. My favourite memory from this trip, however, was when we visited the Tardis set in the BBC studios. We were so unbelievably excited and could barely contain ourselves; which made our fellow tour-takers smile a lot. We ran around the set like hyper children, joining in with the jokes that the tour guides made and enthusiastically answering jolly quiz questions. It makes me smile about how excited we were, and the way it felt to be a little bit more carefree in a new city.

15 or 16th or something August 2013- Results day. My stomach was churning, my hands shaking and my dress sense was fabulous (dressing nicely calms me down). I had every second of the morning planned out, even the playlist for the car on the way to collect them. After the usual 'wait, how do you say your name' fiasco, I collected that ugly brown envelope. And I opened it. And I cried a bucket load of happy, 'thank god that's over' tears. I hadn't failed Human Biology which, as someone who wants to apply for nursing, is pretty essential. I stood, still shaking, having to mop up my face with my Dad's handkerchief. It was a really weird day, because a lot of people close to me were pretty upset but the relief that swept over me was unbelievable. Plus it was because of that day that I got the motivation to work for Year 13.

25th-29th October- The Berlin history trip was probably the happiest I have ever been (or that I can remember), and that was largely due to the fact that I was really really unhappy and yet I managed to let that go and enjoy myself with my best friend Darcy. The whole trip was totally amazing, but there was one moment that really stuck out. And this story will be told in great detail, so bear with me.
Darcy and I were having a pretty rough day, as many of our fellow classmates were being a bit insensitive when it came to a memorial. We eventually found a Dunkin' Donuts in the Sony Center to relax in and had a gorgeous lunch (both in terms of food and conversation) in which we shared a lot of stuff and became even closer. On our way to meet the rest of the group, we noticed a large red carpet being set up, and the Thor 2 film being advertised. One of our classmates told us that it was the Berlin premiere for the film that night but we refused to believe him. It was confirmed soon after that, but we dismissed the idea that we could turn up as we were on a school trip. Luckily, one of the attending teachers was a big Marvel fan and agreed to let us return in time to see the actors arriving. We madly fantasized about being able to see the actors and worked ourselves up into a frenzy of excitement. When the time came, our teachers said meet back at 9 and gave us free reign. Darcy and I immediately ran off into the crowd, shouting excuse me in poor German as we went, and got an okay space to see the red carpet. Chris Hemsworth passed right by us and we screamed with happiness, still amazed that we were here. Somehow, I'll never know how, we managed to get to the front of our section of barriers. We waited patiently until Tom Hiddleston arrived and screamed with happiness when he did. He spent a small amount of time signing stuff on the other side of the carpet and then went off to be interviewed. By chance, he quickly returned to the hoards of people and started signing again. His agent was keen to move him on, and by this point our barrier started screaming for him to come over.
I'll never know why, but he did. He ran over to our barrier and, whilst nearly slipping, ran straight to me and Darcy. Over the screams of people around us, he said (and if this is wrong, Darcy, please correct me. It's a mad blur) "Here are tickets to my premiere tonight, come and see my film." Darcy grabbed the tickets and he had to run off.
Screams. We screamed, a lot. We had no idea what to do. After being told what to do (go on the red carpet!) by some lovely fans next to us, we eventually got onto the red carpet. Still star-struck and mega shocked, we made our way up the red carpet to see our other friends in the crowd; amazed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy as I was that day. It was totally amazing, and made me giddy with excitement whenever I think about it.
Here are some GIFs and pictures...

 

Anyway! Those were my happiest moments of this past year (yes I know we are in May of this year, but I can't top Berlin). I'm not kidding when I say I think of these when I'm sad, and it really does work. Remembering that Tom Hiddleston personally gave you tickets to his film premiere really gets the Serotonin levels rising. 

If this blog post can tell you anything, it's that life can be really rubbish sometimes and it can suck when you feel you have nothing to be happy about. But that doesn't mean it always will be. One of the reasons why I had such a fantastic time in Berlin was because I was in such a dark place, and suddenly I was given a chance to relax and enjoy myself.

Even when things are going wrong, you can always have something to keep you going.

Feel free to share your happiest moments with me in the comments, on twitter or on tumblr.

Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

p.s) this blog post is dedicated to Darcy, my best girl. I love you, keep going. 

Springtime in Sixth Form

It's this time of year, as my biology teacher said, when people either sink or swim. For very obvious reasons, this is the hardest part of the year. I look around the Sixth Form at this time of year, and I see very tired faces. Faces that crave caffeine, sleep, to not be doing a-levels anymore and probably alcohol (gin and tonic please, if you're offering). Everybody is aware of the pressures that are on them (upcoming exams, coursework, UCAS/future plans) and there seems to be a constant struggle to stay awake and keep fighting. Some people do begin to slip and lose motivation, I know I am, but you have to realize that it will be over soon and you can relax. It's not gonna be a fun next few months, but it will be worth it.
If I can do it, you sure as hell can.

That's all for now, my next blog post will be about the road to choosing universities but I thought I'd wait till all got back to me.
Keep going, and just remember that , as my dad says, worse things happen at sea!
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Wanderlust

It was the brightly coloured stalls of the school's careers convention when I first started to think about taking a gap year. They all told me that a gap year would be wonderful and not stressful and a great way to make money. From then I toyed with the idea of being an Au Pair, until I realised that you needed to jump through hoops of fire, NVQs in childcare and endless DBS checks, and I thought no no I'm going to university and starting proper adult life as a student nurse.
This all changed in one fleeting moment in a 50's diner in Cardiff with my best friend. We were chatting about how scary it is to think that university is just around the corner and how we both don't feel quite ready. We jokingly said how we should run away to Paris for a year and Ta-da!- the gap year idea was born! It was not, however, that simple from then on. We both jumped from one idea to another, amazed by the range of ideas that (seemed) available and a huge list of places we wanted to go. It wasn't until late December when we actually made a plan on a pizza hut napkin, over a large plate of nachos.
Our initial idea was to live with a friend in California for 6 months, spend 3 months in Australia, travel in Thailand then do something until August when we'd finally come home. This plan was going great, we were all ready to book our Round The World ticket until it came to researching how to get an American visa, and it all fell apart. Successfully getting an American visa is as common as human sacrifice, or so I've found.
So currently, me and my friend are desperately trying to re-think our plans.
To stop this from happening, I thought I'd make this blog post and give you some great gap year websites and books which I've been using.

• Lonely Planet's 'The Big Trip' book- This book is my gap year bible. It is stocked full of information on everything you can possibly imagine in a really friendly and simple format. I have already colour-coded each chapter that is useful to me. They also have a great website  which I would definitely recommend! 
• Gap Year 360- this website is fantastic, and offers a wide range of options from volunteering to paid work abroad. 
• Cool Works - If you're looking at summer/ski season jobs, then this is the place to be. 
• BUNAC- Another massive range of options, with a really well known organizer (may pacify nervous parents who seem to assume that your gap year will only involve you becoming a skint criminal)
• GapYear.com- This is a brilliant website which talks you through everything, with a massive range of articles, advice and forums with helpful people. 
• STA Travel- I've recently discovered these guys and they've been great. A friend used this and said it was great, what more do you need to be convinced?
• The Guardian have done some articles as well which may give you some ideas
• One World 365
• If you are looking for Au Pair sites, then greataupair, aupair-world and newaupair have all been good (even though I didn't go down that route)

Those are the ones I've cherry picked for you, and if I think of anymore, I'll update this list!

This process is scary, so don't be worried if you find yourself thinking 'oh my god can I actually do this? I MIGHT DIE' or 'WHY DID I CHOOSE TO DEFER'. As long as you can happily explain why you want to go both to yourself, your friends and your overbearing family who mean the best but would really rather prefer it if you didn't, then you'll be fine! 

Best of luck, and feel free to comment/tweet/message me on tumblr if you get confused or want advice or even have advice for me!

Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Fight or Flight

There are times when I long to sweep away half the things I am expected to learn; for the overtaxed mind cannot enjoy the treasure it has secured at the greatest cost.- Helen Keller

Stress is a normal physical response to events which make you feel threatened or upset. Your nervous system floods your body with hormones such as adrenaline so it's ready for action.

I've heard quite a few stories about people having a really stressful time at the moment, and all I want to do is wrap them in a duvet, give them a cup of tea and stroke their hair. When I was going through my most stressful times, I would have loved someone to tell me how to deal with and that it would be okay. So, here's my story of stress.

I've always struggled with stress, ever since I began formal examinations and serious school work. Until Sixth Form, I'd generally managed to keep it under control. Once I realised that Year 12 was a massive uphill struggle, I began to stress. Year 12 saw me struggling with Human Biology and whether or not I'd actually be able to pull it off as an AS level, as well as sorting out my Drama performance.

Doing Drama is by far the most stressful experience I've had to date. Everything was going okay until one of the group members became really ill with something contagious so simply couldn't come into school. It was completely terrifying because none of us in the group had any idea what to do. With only two weeks until our exam, we had to carry on without a member and hope she'd be better. I decided to take charge (it's what I do naturally) and try and sort it all out. I reached a point where I would just break down whenever I wasn't doing Drama, and I was unable to concentrate on anything else. In the end, we had to post-pone the performance and we scraped through the exam.

The real issues came at the start of Year 13. I started off the year badly, as I broke up with my long-term boyfriend and felt pretty damn sorry for myself. As a way of forgetting about him, I threw myself into my work and started to compile my life around school. By Christmas I was massively struggling and spending all of my time work or crying. It got to the point where my poor history teacher had to take me aside and tell me straight that I was working too hard, and that I needed to take a step back. I took a deep breath, listened and took his advice.

I'm still stressed. I still get a sickening feel when I come across a problem that I feel I simply can't handle, and I spend far too much time thinking about school; but I'm getting better.

The best way to deal with stress is taking a step back/deep breath and reviewing the situation. It's all about prioritizing what needs to get done and when, and making allowances for yourself to relax. Read a book, lie in bed and just think, or just whatever keeps your mind off whatever is stressing you.

It will be okay, I promise.
Promise me you'll take a break every once in awhile, okay?
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

The Beginning

One fine afternoon, someone suggested that I spread my somewhat limited wisdom on yet another social networking platform.
I want to start a blog all about how to cope with launching into the world of choosing universities, becoming a student nurse,how to plan/survive a gap year and just general life advice. As I learn the hard way, I'll update all you lucky people on how to avoid the mistakes or take the opportunities by the scruff of the neck.

I'll start off the boring way and tell you a bit about myself.
I'm 17 and currently taking 3 a-levels (human biology, psychology, history). I'm hoping to become a nurse in the very near future, but first I've taken the mad decision to attempt to travel the world with my best friend on a very small budget. 

A lot of people have asked me why I'm taking a gap year, and my answers have varied in their truthfulness each time. On my personal statement I made it look like it would really help me excel in my chosen career; an incredibly idealistic view, but I still hope its true.
My friends and teachers and parents all think that it's to earn money and see the world.
But it's really because I don't want to start being a proper adult yet. I want to travel and work long crappy jobs, make slightly stupid decisions and spend money on stupid souvenirs which I'll keep for 30 years whilst I re-tell my gap year stories. With my chosen degree of nursing, you start working in a placement pretty quickly so you're essentially a nurse from that point, and although I think I'm ready to do that one day, this year isn't time. I need a bit more life experience before I can start help other people with theirs. I can't imagine what it would be like to be fresh from 'cushy' sixth form life to being in a position where people genuinely need you; that terrifies me right now. I'm hoping that by this time next year, I'll be desperate to start university and nursing and adult life.

So there you go, I've poured out the truth about my mad reasons for a gap year. 
Stay tuned for more slightly depressing home truths, and rants about how I am winging life.
Thank-you for reading,
Kitty x