Travel Anxiety

In 3 weeks I leave not-so-sunny England for New Zealand (via 3 days in Hong Kong) for 9 months! As I told my mother "Some have a baby, I chose a gap year" *cue uncomfortable laughter*.
As the time gets nearer, it is becoming more real. I'm having to save a lot of money (much to the detriment of my current account), make a list of things to pack and struggle through choosing travel insurance. Plus parents/friends are starting to get all quiet when I mention how long it is until I go away, which is kind of sad (apart from one of my aunties who is really excited for me, since she backpacked around Africa via lorry when she was my age.)
The scariest thing that is starting to sink in is that I will be alone. There is no guarantee that I will make firm friends on my BUNAC group flight, or in hostels. I need to find a job and a place to live pretty quickly otherwise my money might run out....

Anyway, I've been having some really weird other anxieties about my life in NZ so.... enjoy.

• There aren't any Costa Coffees. This shouldn't be such a worry but I love Costa because it reminds me of lovely chats with my best friend, so it could cure my homesickness. 
• I'm not sure they celebrate Halloween?? I lovelovelove Halloween, and it would be kind of weird not celebrating it.
• I am scared of spending Christmas alone. I envisage a very sad looking me with a veggie Christmas dinner for one, wearing my L.E.D jumper and reindeer skirt. Oh, and its sunny not snowing outside.
• Do they have Heinz Spaghetti?
• Will there be sufficient WiFi? I've read in some places that NZ has some shocking WiFi.

So yeah basically I'm entering mad panic mode!! Its starting to dawn on me how big and scary this trip is, and that I'm doing it alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited. But terrified. 

The next 3 weeks are going to be weird, and I'll sure as hell be turning to this blog to vent some feelings! 

Thanks for reading,

Kitty x

Results Day

Today is, and always will be, one of the most nerve wracking and important days in my life so far. Today, I found out what grades I got for my a-levels which will determine my place at university.
Firstly, I want to make it clear that I am post my A-level results because this is my blog for myself; my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I am not doing it to boast or whatever.
Anyway.....
I got:
History- B
Psychology- C
Human Biology- B
General Studies- B

So I'm able to go to Manchester University to study Adult Nursing in 2015!

I'm really really really pleased with my results. The past year has been super super hard and I'm so glad it's finally over.

If you've received your results today, I hope you're okay and stay strong!!
If you have any questions or queries, comment/tweet/message me on tumblr cause i'm gonna go celebrate.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Feelings

It's hard, being the only constant in an unstable environment. It's been nearly 2 months since my boyfriend became ill. And when I say ill I don't mean sappy man flu, I mean neurological possibly serious we just don't know kind of ill. I'm the only person who is really there for him, so I'm the one who has to bandage him up when he falls during a dizzy spell, calm him down when he starts to worry about what is wrong with him or remind him things when his memory fails- and that has been hard. On top of that, his illness began right as my exams did, so I've been juggling A2 exams, a job, friends and family and him. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent him for it, not one bit. I love being there for him and, lets face it, it's great practice for my nursing career. But its still hard and it has taken its toll on me. I feel guilty when I'm not there with him and his symptoms are playing up, I feel guilty when I complain about having a hard day at work and I feel guilty for wanting to just switch off and relax. My friends have noticed a change in me, and regularly remind me to look after myself. That's all good and well and thank-you but what I really need is for someone to bear the weight for a bit. Telling me it's okay and that I need to relax doesn't work when there is still nobody there to care for him in my place.
The MRI scan is tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Trippin'

Adulthood is scary, which is why I am thoroughly enjoying watching my 18 year old friends flail about whilst I stay on the 'dancing queen young and sweet only 17' boat. Yes I know, being 17 really sucks because you can't go out with your friends or have any legal fun or vote but at least I can still behave like an idiot and say "hey I'm 17. it's okay".
Anyway, it's getting closer and closer until my birthday (less than a month now!!) and I've been thinking about the future and stuff. Mainly my gap year.
I decided to take a gap last year with one of my best friends. Since then, my plans have re-jigged quite a lot. I'm now heading off to New Zealand, on October 23rd (via Hong Kong), alone!
So I've made a quick Q/A based on what I usually get asked (as a protest to people who ask me this, and to be nice and open to y'all).

Why NZ, I hear you cry? I'm not quite sure. Part of it is that my family approve (which shouldn't be factor I know), I have contacts over thanks to my Gran's past family tree finding antics, and also kind of because my ex used to talk about going, so I guess that initially planted the idea in my brain.

Really? Alone? Yup.

What are you gonna do over there? I'm getting a working holiday visa, so that is exactly what I'll be doing. I'll work my arse off, and travel around NZ 'cause it's really lovely.

Where are you going to stay? Who knows?! I'll find out when I'm over there. It's an adventure!

Aren't you scared? I'm absolutely terrified. I've never really traveled on my own, so this is a huge step. But, I'm hoping that the group flight with BUNAC will help me make some friends who are in the same position as me.

And so your parents are paying for it? Not that it's any of your business but no, not all of it. My parents have always given me an allowance but I saved a hell of a lot of money when I was younger (me aged 8-10 was an obsessive saver), and that should cover some travel costs. And I have a full-time job as a waitress.

You probably won't come back, I knew blah blah and they went on a gap year and never came back. Okay so I've already applied to university and (subject to my grades) I will be attending in 2015. I am absolutely desperate to go to uni and train to be a nurse, but I want to grow up and be free for a little bit.

That is sooo brave of you! I don't see why? I'm not seeing this as brave, I see it as running away. I'm so sick and tired of my life in England and all I want to do is get away. I've felt this for a long time, and I really didn't want to use university as an escape because my chosen course is so demanding- it shouldn't be an escape, but a happy and healthy choice.

I hope you've found this update.... interesting. If you are thinking about taking a gap year, pop back to my previous blog post which provides you with loads of really good advice and sites to use. I can personally definitely recommend STA Travel and BUNAC at the moment, as they're organizing my trip and have been super fab.
And if you're doing any exams at the moment like me, keep going.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Shouting Back

As a naturally feisty person, I've always been up for an argument. As I grew up, I learnt from my sister how to stand my ground and not to let anyone (men or women) to make me feel uncomfortable or threatened. This was most prevalent on our walk to the bus stop when we'd get cat-called, or have snowballs thrown at us because our school uniform was different to the local school (I once got called a slut in my local shop). I learnt that instead of keeping my head down, sometimes you needed to stand up and be heard.
I started to use this more when I began to go out with friends to festivals, or to gigs etc. As a young woman, I am naturally subject to cat-calling. The worst one was when I was off to a gig and a guy followed me for a bit, asking if I wanted a lift to my destination. I told him politely to leave me alone, it didn't work, so I became less polite and told him to 'Fuck off'. It worked and (I think) that is because once these sleazy people realize that you will not take any shit, they leave you alone. It's awful, but it works.
Sadly, many people don't know or understand this. We (in particular, women) are taught by society that cat-calling is a compliment and that being groped in a club is only acceptable behavior if you're single. We are not taught to stand up for ourselves when it comes to street harassment.
One example of this is when I was on a school trip to Germany, and my best friend was being harassed (verbally) to donate money and he attempted to put his arm round her. She tried telling him to go away, but it didn't work until I shouted "Nein" at him. He ran away and stopped bothering us. When the school group reconvened, many other girls had the same person acting the same way and had no idea how to stop such behaviour.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that in the heat of the moment its difficult to say what you really mean- I completely understand that as I've been there. I have fended off unwanted attention by claiming I'm with my boyfriend (and once even girlfriend), therefore making it incredibly clear that I am not interested. But I shouldn't have to use being in a relationship an excuse to fend off inappropriate behaviour, and nor should anybody else. If you don't want to be groped, or cat-called then don't be afraid to speak up. Shout back.
Saying that if you don't speak up, you are still not to blame. Never let anyone try and tell you that because you didn't speak up, you are to blame. The person who made you feel uncomfortable or threatened is always to blame; they crossed your boundaries.
Don't be afraid, okay? If you want to speak up then do. Fight the bastards.
Feel free to share your experiences on here, or tweet/tumblr message me.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Moving On Up

On my final day of secondary school education (which is tomorrow but I am being proactive and posting now wow go me), I'm feeling weirdly relieved. If you read my previous blog post, you would have realised that I've been at my current school for the past 7 years, so its been a big deal to leave. But, unlike in the past few months, I'm starting to feel disenchanted with school and I really feel ready to leave. I've spent a good deal of my life there, and I've changed a lot compared to the shy little chubby girl who was really terrified of the world. I'm moving on from a lot of things at the moment, and it just seems suitable to leave school behind.
One thing I'm finding hardest to come to terms with is the fact that, after 7 years, I am only keeping in contact with a few people. I've lost more friends than I've gained and that's kind of a scary prospect. I partly think its because people don't like the person I've become- which is fine. I've changed a lot , in particular this year, because of stress, breakups, life choices etc. I'm not ashamed of the person I am. I guess that is just the way school goes, and I can't wait to move on and make new friends (or if not, adopt loads of animals).
I guess I'm just feeling a bit sad that I don't have a lot to show from 7 years of school.
I'm still going to cry my eyes out of course, this school was a massive part of my life. Plus I'm a hormonal, nostalgic, frequent cryer.
If you're also leaving school, please comment/tweet/tumblr message me and tell me how you're feeling about it.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x


(p.s, I have gap year news! I'm heading off to New Zealand on October 24th with BUNAC! i'll do another gap year post soonish maybe though)

Relationship Real Talk

As an angsty teenage girl, I am a by definition a self-proclaimed relationship guru. And let me tell you, teenage relationships are weird. There are hormones, life choices, awkward chats about the future and its all very messy.

The reason I wanted to make this blog post is because this is a topic which I rarely see on the Internet, and I wish it was. I've always felt a bit lost when it comes to relationships because they're so personal and none are alike to another. I want to tackle the issues which I've faced in my relationships in the hope that others may be in a similar situation.

My first (proper) relationship was formed after meeting a boy 4 times. He was part of a new and exciting group of friends that I acquired and I was super excited at the prospect of someone finding me attractive. I tentatively told my parents and they were very accepting and happy for me. With my parents on board and our relationship blossoming, everything seemed peachy...apart from the distance. He lived two bus rides away, so I spent most of my weekends travelling to meet him or waiting for him to arrive. I saw him less and less and started to disagree with his constant party lifestyle. He began to prioritise this lifestyle and once left me alone in his home town after an argument. Strains began to form and one fateful day in Sheffield, I discovered that he'd lied to me about something really important and I couldn't take it. I broke up with him a week later. It was an easier breakup than I expected and we calmly accepted that we wouldn't be friends again. Getting over him wasn't easy, and I still missed him sometimes, but I could easily justify our breakup.

My second relationship happened after a very very long period of 'when will they' with my best friend. We'd been friends since aged 11 and had been in sort of relationships before but it was different this time. My parents were thrilled, my friends were thrilled, I was thrilled. We had a slightly bumpy road due to his stress and my stress but we got through it. He decided to go to college, and I was super happy for him; he was moving on and I felt like I was going along with him. After a lovely year together, September came and ruined it. Our relationship took a turn for the worst due to circumstance and I broke it off. I was absolutely devastated, and that stayed true for another 3 months. I barely went a week without crying. He entered into a new relationship with a girl that he met at college and I got bitter. Embarrassingly bitter. So much so that I complained to people whenever I could. It hurts to lose someone you love, and it still hurts now (7 months on). I'm doing a lot better now. I've cleared the air with both him and his girlfriend, and I really think things are going to get better.

Luckily, things changed as the new year began. I met someone new! Downside: big age gap. It's not been easy. My family don't approve and nor do many of my friends and I tried to break it off, but I couldn't do it- it didn't feel right. After a lot of inner (and outer) debate, I decided to carry on. Despite what other people thought, it feels right for me to be in this relationship, and surely that is what matters? I am trying to handle the criticism and understand how others are feeling whilst making sure that I am still happy. I'm finally finding myself in a place where I feel confident and happy, and that hasn't been easy, but at the moment its the best way forward. I wish it was easier, but its not. I've accepted that the feelings of my loved ones will not change.

My romantic relationships have all affected me in different ways and I wish that I had handled things better. But I don't regret anything, I am glad that I was honest with the people closest to me, and I am glad that I left the relationships which made me feel sad. I am trying to become my own person, and find my place in the world (thank-you Taylor Swift lyrics) and relationships are a big part of that. As long as you stay respectful to yourself, leave if you become unhappy and are honest with both yourself and those closest to you, the damage will be minimal. It will be messy, but it will be worth it.

I hope this had shed some light, or more likely provided ten minutes entertainment. I felt like it was time for me to share something a bit more personal on here because I like to share.
Thanks for reading,
Kitty x

Your Voting Voice

Voting is a right which, as members of a democratic country, we have. It is a necessary means to govern a country democratically. In the UK (this is a English centred post, sorry), unless you are in prison, you can vote once you are 18 years old. To be able to exercise this right, you have to be on the electoral register (you can register from the age of 16). If you satisfy these requirements, then you should be registered and ready to vote.
The reason why I wanted to create this blog post was, primarily, due to the upcoming European Elections which will be held on 22nd May. Begrudgingly, I am unable to vote in these elections because I am a July baby (I personally think it's ridiculous that someone who will turn 18 in less than 2 months at the time of voting should be excluded but hey, that's the law).
So, as I am unable to vote, I thought I'd first address the growing issue that many young people (or at least from what I've gathered from Sixth Form and other places where I might have contact with Youths) don't see the point of voting. The most common phrases I've heard are "Whats the point?", "All the parties are the same anyway" , or "It doesn't change anything". After curling up in a ball and crying for 20 minutes, I try and challenge these statements and explain why these are misconceptions which have sadly become the norm. I'm not trying to make these people feel stupid, I'm trying to make them understand that voting is a vital part of living in a democracy. If everybody held their views, nobody would vote and we wouldn't have any say in how our country is run which I believe has been tried and tested- and it sucks.
I could give you a long list of why you should vote, but the best reasons are listed on the AboutMyVote website which is GREAT (and unbiased)! Not only does it break down the political jargon (which made me really happy) but it guides you through the process of understanding the voting system.

Secondly, I wanted to point out all the 'bits and bobs' surrounding the European Elections.

• Who can I vote for? Each bit of the UK has separate candidates (see your list here). Each political party puts forward a list of candidates, and you have one vote for a list.
• Wait, so what gets elected? Members of European Parliament (MEPs) are elected to represent a region depending on the overall votes for that region. 
• Why is this so important? The powers of the European parliament have increased since 2009 so your vote will make a difference. The MEPs that you elect will, for the first time, choose who will head the European Commission (more info here). PLUS, whichever political party gets the majority within each region, and overall in the UK, will have a certain amount of power within the European parliament and will probably influence how people vote in the General Election next year.
• I want Britain to leave the EU. Okay, fine. please don't vote UKIP.
• What is wrong with UKIP? I shouldn't have to tell you, but here is a nice little article from the Guardian about it.

So get registered and go and vote on 22nd May! The polling stations are situated pretty much everywhere and they're open 7am-10pm so you will have time. You should have received a polling card through the post by now, but you don't need it to vote (you can take it with you for funzies).

If you're still confused, the links to AboutMyVote and the European Parliament website are really helpful and will help you through every step of the way

Please don't vote UKIP, they are super super dodgy and dangerous and racist.

Please vote. If you're still not convinced, just think of me; the poor political 17 year old who is restricted by 2 lousy months.

Thanks for reading,
Kitty x