Feelings

It's hard, being the only constant in an unstable environment. It's been nearly 2 months since my boyfriend became ill. And when I say ill I don't mean sappy man flu, I mean neurological possibly serious we just don't know kind of ill. I'm the only person who is really there for him, so I'm the one who has to bandage him up when he falls during a dizzy spell, calm him down when he starts to worry about what is wrong with him or remind him things when his memory fails- and that has been hard. On top of that, his illness began right as my exams did, so I've been juggling A2 exams, a job, friends and family and him. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent him for it, not one bit. I love being there for him and, lets face it, it's great practice for my nursing career. But its still hard and it has taken its toll on me. I feel guilty when I'm not there with him and his symptoms are playing up, I feel guilty when I complain about having a hard day at work and I feel guilty for wanting to just switch off and relax. My friends have noticed a change in me, and regularly remind me to look after myself. That's all good and well and thank-you but what I really need is for someone to bear the weight for a bit. Telling me it's okay and that I need to relax doesn't work when there is still nobody there to care for him in my place.
The MRI scan is tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,
Kitty x